I've considered one last effort to get back the girl I love so much--
Write her a heartfelt letter.
Out of respect, I am not going to post the letter here because it is a special letter between her and I. But rest assured that it came from the heart, and I meant what I said in it.
It ended up being a few pages, so I didn't want to add more to it, by writing down all the great plans I wanted to share with her someday... like the picnic on a beach in the sunset... and sight seeing foreign nations... seeing Paris, France together... Holding hands under the stars... It makes me sad to think I possibly can't do that with the one girl I truly love.
As far as the relationship goes, I feel like I've been selfish a lot and inattentive... I guess that's a symptom of being in a relationship for a while... but the time apart showed me that this isn't what I want. (Obviously). I've changed.
My efforts may very well be in vain, though, and I'm actually expecting nothing from this... but I'm going to quote a song I love a lot, to explain why I'm trying.
"Love is Not a Fight... But it's Something Worth Fighting For"
Love is Not a Fight - Warren Barfield
I'd be the luckiest guy on Earth to have a second chance. I would never take it for granted.
I just want to clarify, though... even if I get nowhere with my efforts... I hope none of you lose hope in getting back the one you love. And if I fail, then I hope YOU have better luck. Truly, I do. If I get burned, then don't let yourselves get burned too; because my failures will be mine alone. If you love someone as much as I do, then your love is truly worth fighting for...
Showing posts with label inspirational. Show all posts
Showing posts with label inspirational. Show all posts
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Nothin Worse than Dreams
Ever have one of those nights where you have 3-4 dreams in a row of the person you lost?
Makes you feel like a damn stalker or something. The first dream was a coincidence, or perhaps out of me missing her-- and when I woke up in a sweat, I told myself to not think about her.. I tried really hard... which in turn lead me to thinking about her more.. and having that many more dreams.
It was very tough waking up each time and finding out your dream wasn't a reality. I guess that can be said about MANY dreams we all have; extending past the boundaries of love.
Waking up, though, my conscious and fully awake mind is able to once again block out the pain so I don't feel much... but I know when my guards down (aka half asleep, half awake), I'll feel the pain again.
I'm sure deep down she thinks I don't care about her that much. If only she stumbled upon this blog. If only she saw how much I really care... and that I haven't forgotten her... if only she saw how much I miss her... love her...
I guess sometimes life throws you the most gigantic curve ball.
The trick is finding out how to hit a home run despite it.
Makes you feel like a damn stalker or something. The first dream was a coincidence, or perhaps out of me missing her-- and when I woke up in a sweat, I told myself to not think about her.. I tried really hard... which in turn lead me to thinking about her more.. and having that many more dreams.
It was very tough waking up each time and finding out your dream wasn't a reality. I guess that can be said about MANY dreams we all have; extending past the boundaries of love.
Waking up, though, my conscious and fully awake mind is able to once again block out the pain so I don't feel much... but I know when my guards down (aka half asleep, half awake), I'll feel the pain again.
I'm sure deep down she thinks I don't care about her that much. If only she stumbled upon this blog. If only she saw how much I really care... and that I haven't forgotten her... if only she saw how much I miss her... love her...
I guess sometimes life throws you the most gigantic curve ball.
The trick is finding out how to hit a home run despite it.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
The Story of Losing Love
It all began a long while ago-- and rest assured, writing this is very hard for me because I have to fight back a tear or two.
Anyways, the girl caught my eye off the bat, and I caught hers too-- so there was an instant physical attraction. Maybe that's the wrong way to start a relationship, thinking back. Heh.
Well, she constantly txt me. Like, a hell of a lot. This got me into the frame of the mind that she really wanted to be with me. I loved the constant contact, I admit. I never really felt alone at all, and it was nice... If I didn't reply to any of her txts, she'd send me another around 30 minutes later asking me another question, to get me to reply to her... it was very cute, you know?
We got closer and closer, and I felt like I was really ready to make her my gf... so we hung out, and while cuddling on a bench in a popular mall in Pittsburgh, PA, I asked her out. Hearing her say "Yes" was one of the brightest moments I'd had in any recent times. It was great to hear-- and it seemed to make everything a little brighter.
Well, the months came and went-- no arguments, only laughs. I loved sharing music with the girl, and talking to her about my dreams of being in Hollywood.
She was inspired it seemed, and I felt complete. She did too, it seemed.
As the months passed, I began to truly fall in love. I made that age old error of becoming slightly dependent on her. I leaned a little bit on her, as she became a great, solid part of my life.
We shared movies, laughs, dinners, and special times that I'll never forget-- like going to an amusement park around Pittsburgh.
At times, I do admit however, that I felt distant from her. There were times I did not want to be with her-- but I discussed my issues with her and although she seemed to not have changed much, I felt a little bit better for discussing them.
However, as the months continued to pass, I began to feel more like one day I would marry this girl. No time soon, of course-- I had in mind far more down the road, sometime in California when I got there.
She told me she loved me many times a day, and I knew I loved her too. I gave the girl her space when she was with friends, and I always trusted her-- I was always there for her, too. When she lay her head on my chest, I felt brighter than any star in the sky above.
Then the very night of the 2008 Presidential Election, November 4th, she said she loved me to death but wanted a break to think.
She wanted to be friends during the break-- but I am not stupid. I saw things for how they were-- I knew once you get into a friend zone, you cannot break out of it.
But I couldn't fathom the situation-- it was such a shock. I didn't even believe I was awake. I didn't think I could do without talking to her-- so with a few tears in my eyes dropping to the ground like the coldest rain you could ever imagine, I told her I'd still talk to her.
Well, a few days passed.
About 3 nights later, I told her I love her-- like I had the 2 nights before. She ignored it, and after a delay said "Mmhmm."
That's when I was shocked to a great degree.
I told her that I loved her to death too and if she couldn't see what I was worth, then it's better we just stop talking. I told her she could contact me again only when she's ready to see each other again.
Did I mention she did this all over the phone? How could a girl who says she loved you so much, for such a long time, do you in like this?
So here I am, a week later, in a place I never thought I'd be.
I know I'll make it through this... slowly. I know, however, many bad days are to come.
I haven't contacted her since, except for one night when the pain overcame me-- but that was it. She never replied. It was another shock to me that she didn't care enough to reply... (that's how it seemed to me, anyways).
I hope some of you out there got something from this, and it helps ease some of your pain if you are going through this as well. It's not the first time I've loved and lost before-- but it still hurts like hell.
To all my anonymous friends out there reading this... I once again wish you the best and hope that you feel a little more ease with your situation. Know you are not alone, and never will be. Keep ya heads up, you can do anything in life. Trust me.
Anyways, the girl caught my eye off the bat, and I caught hers too-- so there was an instant physical attraction. Maybe that's the wrong way to start a relationship, thinking back. Heh.
Well, she constantly txt me. Like, a hell of a lot. This got me into the frame of the mind that she really wanted to be with me. I loved the constant contact, I admit. I never really felt alone at all, and it was nice... If I didn't reply to any of her txts, she'd send me another around 30 minutes later asking me another question, to get me to reply to her... it was very cute, you know?
We got closer and closer, and I felt like I was really ready to make her my gf... so we hung out, and while cuddling on a bench in a popular mall in Pittsburgh, PA, I asked her out. Hearing her say "Yes" was one of the brightest moments I'd had in any recent times. It was great to hear-- and it seemed to make everything a little brighter.
Well, the months came and went-- no arguments, only laughs. I loved sharing music with the girl, and talking to her about my dreams of being in Hollywood.
She was inspired it seemed, and I felt complete. She did too, it seemed.
As the months passed, I began to truly fall in love. I made that age old error of becoming slightly dependent on her. I leaned a little bit on her, as she became a great, solid part of my life.
We shared movies, laughs, dinners, and special times that I'll never forget-- like going to an amusement park around Pittsburgh.
At times, I do admit however, that I felt distant from her. There were times I did not want to be with her-- but I discussed my issues with her and although she seemed to not have changed much, I felt a little bit better for discussing them.
However, as the months continued to pass, I began to feel more like one day I would marry this girl. No time soon, of course-- I had in mind far more down the road, sometime in California when I got there.
She told me she loved me many times a day, and I knew I loved her too. I gave the girl her space when she was with friends, and I always trusted her-- I was always there for her, too. When she lay her head on my chest, I felt brighter than any star in the sky above.
Then the very night of the 2008 Presidential Election, November 4th, she said she loved me to death but wanted a break to think.
She wanted to be friends during the break-- but I am not stupid. I saw things for how they were-- I knew once you get into a friend zone, you cannot break out of it.
But I couldn't fathom the situation-- it was such a shock. I didn't even believe I was awake. I didn't think I could do without talking to her-- so with a few tears in my eyes dropping to the ground like the coldest rain you could ever imagine, I told her I'd still talk to her.
Well, a few days passed.
About 3 nights later, I told her I love her-- like I had the 2 nights before. She ignored it, and after a delay said "Mmhmm."
That's when I was shocked to a great degree.
I told her that I loved her to death too and if she couldn't see what I was worth, then it's better we just stop talking. I told her she could contact me again only when she's ready to see each other again.
Did I mention she did this all over the phone? How could a girl who says she loved you so much, for such a long time, do you in like this?
So here I am, a week later, in a place I never thought I'd be.
I know I'll make it through this... slowly. I know, however, many bad days are to come.
I haven't contacted her since, except for one night when the pain overcame me-- but that was it. She never replied. It was another shock to me that she didn't care enough to reply... (that's how it seemed to me, anyways).
I hope some of you out there got something from this, and it helps ease some of your pain if you are going through this as well. It's not the first time I've loved and lost before-- but it still hurts like hell.
To all my anonymous friends out there reading this... I once again wish you the best and hope that you feel a little more ease with your situation. Know you are not alone, and never will be. Keep ya heads up, you can do anything in life. Trust me.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
