The Things I'd do Differently

I just wanted to take some time to share the things I'd do differently. I'm basically just thinking out loud here, and wanted to also create a reference for myself so that I can look back and use this in order to better myself in all future relationships.

Let's see here. I made my fair share of mistakes... and if I had a second chance, here's what I'd do different.

1. I'd listen more, and I'd listen better.
2. I'd take the time to be there more for my ex.
3. I wouldn't try to be distant in order to protect myself.
4. I would buy her flowers more.
5. I'd let her know how much I care, more.
6. I'd let her know I truly love and appreciate her.
7. I'd stop being so damn self absorbed.
8. I'd stop being mean in general, to the best of my abilities.
9. I'd kiss her more.
10. I'd watch HER movies, instead of always just expecting her to watch mine.
11. I'd listen to HER music, instead of always expecting her to listen to mine.
12. I'd hang out with her friends, so she didn't feel like it was either her friends or me. (Not that I ever gave her the impression it would be or was that way).
13. I'd do more things in general that she wanted to do.
14. I'd be more fun.
15. I'd try to laugh more.
16. I'd go out of my way more to understand things.
17. I'd think of her as more of an individual, rather than just "my girlfriend", or "us".
18. I'd do my best to never let her down. (I already tried hard in this catagory, though).
19. I'd do my best to make her laugh.
20. I'd do my best to never make her cry.


If I had a second chance, would I do things differently? Hell yeah.

Do I think I'll have a second chance?

I wish. But I don't expect. And as the days pass, I'm afraid that she is getting over me more and more and seeing things that I did wrong in the past. I truly am afraid I'll never see her again.

Another Cold Morning

Sometimes, I'm not sure which is worse-- the nights or the mornings following them.

I woke up today and looked out the window only to be greeted by a thousand snowflakes descending from the clouds. I stared at them for a little bit and realized they were a reflection of how I felt emotionally.

Pretty powerful stuff.

I've done pretty well with hanging onto my mentality that I did everything I could and the ball is not in my court. But sometimes, when you face that mentality and nothing changes for a while, you go back to desperately thinking up ways to correct an error that isn't even necessarily yours to correct, per se.

I remembered a random memory today and it jolted a little bit of shock and depression through me. I remembered how my ex and me saw Cloverfield together a long time ago in the theaters. That was one of my favorite memories of her, and I remember feeling that day that everything was so truly perfect and she was a truly great person and I was very lucky. It's funny how people change.

I've read a lot of your experiences and about your losses, and what's left of my heart goes out to every one of you.

It's wishful thinking, yes, but sometimes I wish the world wasn't so cold... whether it be weather wise, or emotionally.