A Night Unlike the Rest. (You won't believe this).

I can't believe I'm going to be saying this tonight--

But she contacted me today.

I made no contact for the past 2 weeks; I was giving her her space as I've said. I never once slipped up (aside from the one night a few nights after the breakup where she never replied to my TXT. Aside from that, I didn't slip up.. even though I came close with sending that letter... which I didn't send).

Here's how it went down.

She started with a single TXT Mssg by saying she missed me a lot. Then said she wants to be together, but is still so so busy because of basketball, work, and school. I understood this because LONG ago (as in months) we knew in advance how busy this time would be for her. So I understood that.

I can't really describe the feeling I got when she contacted me though. Something like feeling your heart skip a beat; or go into slow motion for a few seconds... followed by speeding up like a train and beating a hundred beats a second.

I said I was never really expecting to hear from her again, honestly. I said that I was happy to hear from her again, but wasn't expecting it.

I kept myself pretty distant (ironic considering some of the things I've wrote in earlier blogs heh) but that was from fear that she would end the conversation by letting me down.

In a way, I was unfortunately right... because by the end of the conversation, she said she wasn't exactly sure when she wanted to get back together... only that she did want to sometime soon.

I put up my guard though, and definitely don't expect to get back with her. I want to-- but I don't expect to.

It ended with a nice phone call from her just a few minutes ago (9:30pm EST) where we talked. Not really about the breakup or getting back together... (thats never a good idea). Just talked. I made her laugh a lot and noticed that for the first time (outside of dreaming), I was happy briefly.

I was smart enough to realize though even at that moment that that happiness would diminish beginning immediately after the phone call would end... and I realized I was probably setting myself up for a let down.

I hate to be pessimistic but I can't be ignorant enough to submit myself to wishful thinking. She said she wanted to get back together, but I've heard that before from girls. I know she loves me, but I still refuse to believe in anything til I see it 100%, you know?

I have a feeling that in a few weeks, I'll be looking back at this blog and it'll bring a tear to me eye because I was right about being let down. Tonight, though... tonight I may sleep a little easier.

Well, I guess the future will tell what's to come. I told her though that it's best no contact is made until she's ready to be together.

My birthday is November 30th, so hopefully I get to see her for it.

But I've learned better than to expect anything, ya know?

I am way too young to be jaded, dammit.