Well, this morning started out just like so many others. I had a few dreams of my ex... it was more like nightmares, though, because I dreamt it was her dating someone else. You know what it feels like to have sleep induce a heart break?
I woke up this morning lonelier than I've ever been before... and the worst part about that is that my friend Andy decided he'd chill at my house for the night. That's a bad thing because despite him sleeping over on the floor not 10 feet away, I still felt like I was absolutely alone.
I'm at that point in time right now where I can remember my ex's voice since we just talked recently, but it also seems distant and like she forgot me already or something. Unwarranted paranoia is a scary disease.
She told me something that really bothers me, too. When we talked, she told me she was going to go to a new club that just opened 20 miles away with a few of her friends. I'm not a jealous person by any means, so I wasn't bothered by it then. But then my friend Andy starts going into target mode and telling me I should just never speak to her again for that and that I was always out of her league anyways.
It made me think a lot about what she's doing at the club now. It sucks to second guess your ability to relax. It really does...
Today is going to be extra tough too because I have to drive to Pittsburgh today to meet with some people... and my ex is from Pitt. I haven't been to Pitt since we broke up, and now I have to go back after these 3 weeks. Alone this time, for the first time in God knows how long. Gunna be extra tough today.
I hope this all has a happy ending a few weeks down the road... but with everyday that passes, I feel more alone. Just like so many of you.
My heart really goes out to my dudes JT and Roger. Both of you are going through a time perhaps twice as difficult as mine. You guys are the inspiration that keeps me sane. If you can do it, we all can do it.
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