A Day Unlike the Rest

No.. didn't talk to the ex again or anything.

So you might be asking yourself-- what made today unlike the other days?

Well, it was because I realized something today. I realized didn't stress over my ex.

...Nope...

That's not a good thing, though..

I felt peaceful today because I talked to my ex last night. That's bad for one major reason:
Because it means a part of me feels comfortable; believes that I'll get back with her, like she said she wanted to.

This bothered me, because it's like my subconscious had already accepted exactly what I was trying to prevent-- which is the assumption that I'll get back together with my ex in a few weeks. I tried so hard last night to embed into my own head that if I get my hopes up, it'll probably lead to a let down.

This causes a minor form of panic, because I feel like I'm beyond the point of no return; I feel like it's a done deal that I'll get back with my ex... which I am seriously trying to fight... because as I said, I don't want to set myself up for a let down.

Pretty scary in a way. It's almost like feeling claustrophobic in your own head... or like walking down a set path that you know leads to a dead end; and not being able to turn around.

Yep, that about sums up today.

But damn, I hate that my blog seems so negative-- but then again I suppose that's to be expected considering this blog is based on lost love...

I know slowly but surely though, this blog will be heading towards a positive nature. Because the pain of loss is not forever. (At least not usually to the intense degree that we feel initially). Whether I get back with the ex or not is a question that only time will tell-- but one way or another, I will keep this blog identical to my thoughts. When I really get over the ex, then this blog will reflect it. So rest assured, the pessimism is temporary.