What has Changed?

It's been a long time since I wrote a blog. Well, it seems long anyways.

A lot has changed, I suppose...


My ex txt me back the day after I left my last entry... she said that if I was bothered by her talking to guys, she wouldn't bother me.

I never replied. I ignored her and have never spoken to her again.

This grants a sense of liberation and power, and has shined some light on something I thought would be dark for a very long time.

I really just accepted I would never hear or see her again. And although the pain still lingers and pops up like stray bullets that hit you from out of nowhere, I am doing better.

It's just when I have the dreams of the ex, or remember intimate details or things like that, that I really get down. Like really down. Down enough that I feel like I'm drowning and can't breath... but all that shows me is that I really cared, and therefor, it can't be my loss...

I know more so than ever that it is my ex's loss. And although that is little consolation when I am alone on a cold night, it's still a strength that I didn't have initially.

Would I take her back right now if she begged me? I don't know... maybe... but I wouldn't jump back into her arms immediately like I would've before. I'm getting stronger...

Yes, I am getting stronger, and I know she is getting weaker. I know in time she'll see I truly loved her and treated her well. One day she'll wake up and realize I loved her, and how much she loves me...

but I'll be waking up to the girl who already did.

But alas, I know this is just what they call temporary relief. I know the pain will come back in full force later on again. I know the fight against myself isn't over.


...and so I'm going to end this particular entry with some quick lyrics I wrote.


Like the sun rise, I came to expect your eyes
They were like the skies, and also blue like the tides
As deep as the ocean is too
As deep and blue as I thought our love was true...
But like the inevitable sunset, the light diminished
And I saw the end to something I believed would never finish
Now a full hour seems caught within every minute;
This is a fight against myself, and therefor I don't know if I can ever win it.


Gotta stay strong, though.


P.S.: Wanted to give a shout out to some very important people who have helped me a lot.
Roger
JT
and Melissa.
Thank you 3